So far away from where you are
I’m standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here
I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they’d mean everything to me..
I’m still carrying a broken heart around with me. But that excruciating pain inside has turned numb now, I’m so disappointed in what we’re becoming after 3 years of togetherness. You gave up on us…
You say I was selfish, that our failure was entirely my fault. That I couldn’t see past my own “narcissism”, you made me out to be a psycho to people that don’t even know me from a bar of fucking soap. And I sit here like an absolute moron taking in every word you say. But you know what? To everyone else around me, it seems like you were just as selfish. And they’re right; you left everything behind, including me, your girlfriend and love of your life, and moved to another city to pursue your music career - and that has been your number one priority ever since. I always supported you, I was happy for you, and I never once tried to hold you back from it. Why? Because I knew how important it was to you to make sure you give your dreams a chance to shine. I respected it since day one, yet, I’m so selfish in your eyes. The time you made for me was so minor once you moved away, I almost had to beg you for a mere phone call at night. Yet, you say I stopped connecting with you. I’m not denying my faults, but the way you have perceived me in your head is somewhat delusional. I struggled so much within myself for a long time, trying to deal with my sexuality vs. my family. In the end, I would’ve come out to everyone so I could spend the rest of my life with you. But now it’s obvious, you couldn’t handle me at my worst, was it really not worth it? Was it not worth leading to a happier us? And now that it’s all over between us, you think it’s easy for us to be friends while you’re already emotionally invested in someone else. My bad, ‘already’ is the wrong term, there is an entire backstory I was unaware of this whole time. I thought you were different, I never expected this from you, my soulmate, my love, my knight in shining armour. This isn’t how you treat someone you love. This is sick, this is cruel.
When you feel like losing them is hard enough, losing them to someone else is even fucking harder..Waking up every morning is the hardest part of my day. So weak I can’t even feel my own body.
I’m losing myself.
I’ve lost all hope.
I’m losing my health.
This violent slope.